Aglaya and the No Good Very Bad Plague
May. 14th, 2020 04:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
queenofserpents posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
fromfictionQuestioning is always a bitch.
I spent the last few weeks diving back into Pathologic to follow an 8 year old chain of questioning to the end. (from even before I knew about the concept of Fictionkin and all I had was me and those feelings of strange familiarity and homesickness, I had a heavy pull to Pathologic and The Inquisitor in specific)
It took a lot of thinking, introspection and private research but I've finally confirmed it. In another life I was Aglaya Lilich, State Inquisitor. When it finally hit, it hit like a brick. I reeled, and fell into one of the heaviest shifts of my life. I was so firmly rooted in the Inquisitor headspace that I felt like my clothes were all wrong, and I woke up feeling like I should be back in that plague filled little town. Drinks I usually liked tasted like rat poison (RIP soda, i guess). I found myself feeling very introspective, thoughtful and quieter than usual. For a while, I felt pretty morose as well. Angry, furious at old enemies that no longer existed here. Full of despair over the loss of my sister (who it turns out was quite close all along. who knew)
One thing is I come from a slightly different version of canon. In Pathologic, Nina and Aglaya are sisters from the Capital. Nina is wooed by Victor and returns to his hometown to become the Scarlet Mistress, casting a shadow of terror over everyone. Aglaya stays in the capital and becomes part of the inquisition.
For us, however, I remember growing up in the town. Our mother was a city woman, (who seemed to be on the run from the Capital), who spoke up the merits of the big city, and our father was a local. My sister and I grew up in the town, where I made friends with a young Artemy. I met his father, and I met the Kains and their kin and all the rest of the strange folks in town. My sister and I were very close. Nina (Ninochka) and I had a bond that went beyond normal twin bonds, we could sense and feel one another to an almost magical degree.
It made sense, given that the two of us were gifted with some sort of magical ability. I could see beyond the world, and could see the Powers that Be for what they were. I could look at the sky and see beyond the clouds and sun to see the faces of the children who believed themselves our gods. It shook me, and the more I saw them, the more I became convinced they ruled our fate. I started seeing the future, and it brought me to despair.
My sister reassured me that I was obsessing over them. That our lives were our own and they were merely observers who didn't have the power over us that they believed. It's something I wish I could have believed, given how things ended. But we were close until the age of 10 or so, when the Inquisition came to town. They noticed me, the quieter and more studious of the pair of us, trailing around in my sister's wake and watched as I solved problems with my words and quick thinking. They chose me, and they took me at armed gunpoint to the Capital to begin my training. It was the last time I saw my family. And from that day on I only had my sister's connection to remind me that they were even there.
I remember training. I had a nightmare about it. A small, stark little room to sleep in. A stiff bed with bad pillows. A locked door. A mirror that I knew was a window for them to observe me. The sense that my very name, my life didn't matter. That my past was to be forgotten in the face of the Inquisition's rhetoric. That i was to mold myself into their tin soldier, and fill myself with the ability to manipulate and act as the State's psychological weapon. Eventually I graduated and began training under my mentor. And eventually I felt my connection with my sister sever completely as she died in our little hometown.
My heart broke, and froze. And I vowed from that day on that I would find a way to get some small measure of revenge against the Powers that Be for twisting fate in such a way for me to lose the person I cared about the most. It was a somber homecoming when I eventually returned for my death sentence. And it was an ironic twist of fate that my chance for revenge came in the form of my sister's eldritch soul jar. My chance to save the town, do my duty, and get revenge upon the Powers.
It was honestly terrifying walking back into town. After years of silence from my sister's soul, I heard it once more as I stepped into town. And then when the Kains removed her from the Polyhedron for that old bastard Simon, I felt her die all over again.
With a dead sister, my old neighbors and friends hating me, and Block stubbornly signing our own death sentences with his refusal to speak to me, I did all i could to finish what I started. For Nina. For the Haruspex. for myself. I raged at the gods , failing to notice the state itself lowering it's rifles to take me out once and for all.
My messenger was shot. My chances all blown. I was convinced to run by Artemy, who cared for me and wished to see me start a new life away from the Inquisition who wanted me gone. I ran, and was executed for my crimes.
I have regrets. I have things I wished I did better. I've had a few dreams of the plague, but also some nice memories too. Baking with my sister as kids. Meeting Isador. Smiling for the first time to the adult Artemy. Dying, strangely, as I saw my twin sister again before we drifted all into the next life together.
I actually miss that version of Russia...the steppe was bizarre t and fascinating at the same time. It felt alien. It felt like it didn't want us there. There were strange meat-like plants that grew from the ground. Sentient creatures born from the earth and intermingling with man. The living earth and the strangeness of it all. My sister hated it. I ...was nervous about it, repelled by it, but fascinated all the same. I can't help but wonder what it would have been like if I'd gotten to spend the rest of my childhood there...
There's a lot to think about. and a lot to parse and I'll probably have more to say later.
I spent the last few weeks diving back into Pathologic to follow an 8 year old chain of questioning to the end. (from even before I knew about the concept of Fictionkin and all I had was me and those feelings of strange familiarity and homesickness, I had a heavy pull to Pathologic and The Inquisitor in specific)
It took a lot of thinking, introspection and private research but I've finally confirmed it. In another life I was Aglaya Lilich, State Inquisitor. When it finally hit, it hit like a brick. I reeled, and fell into one of the heaviest shifts of my life. I was so firmly rooted in the Inquisitor headspace that I felt like my clothes were all wrong, and I woke up feeling like I should be back in that plague filled little town. Drinks I usually liked tasted like rat poison (RIP soda, i guess). I found myself feeling very introspective, thoughtful and quieter than usual. For a while, I felt pretty morose as well. Angry, furious at old enemies that no longer existed here. Full of despair over the loss of my sister (who it turns out was quite close all along. who knew)
The shift's evened out into something approaching normal for me by now. I'm no longer so firmly in that headspace. It gave me a lot to think about, though.
Other than that, there's ...well. I'm still side eyeing a certain person from FF7 due to some...tugs...and feelings...but I'm not going to look into that right now. Not by a long shot. For the moment I'm going to concentrate on something else because the last thing I need is more questioning. I've confirmed this, I'm just...stepping away for now.and shut up Claymore, I don't think I'll ever watch you. No matter how much you stick in my brain.
Sorry if i got a little long winded. That's mostly been it the past few weeks.
One thing is I come from a slightly different version of canon. In Pathologic, Nina and Aglaya are sisters from the Capital. Nina is wooed by Victor and returns to his hometown to become the Scarlet Mistress, casting a shadow of terror over everyone. Aglaya stays in the capital and becomes part of the inquisition.
For us, however, I remember growing up in the town. Our mother was a city woman, (who seemed to be on the run from the Capital), who spoke up the merits of the big city, and our father was a local. My sister and I grew up in the town, where I made friends with a young Artemy. I met his father, and I met the Kains and their kin and all the rest of the strange folks in town. My sister and I were very close. Nina (Ninochka) and I had a bond that went beyond normal twin bonds, we could sense and feel one another to an almost magical degree.
It made sense, given that the two of us were gifted with some sort of magical ability. I could see beyond the world, and could see the Powers that Be for what they were. I could look at the sky and see beyond the clouds and sun to see the faces of the children who believed themselves our gods. It shook me, and the more I saw them, the more I became convinced they ruled our fate. I started seeing the future, and it brought me to despair.
My sister reassured me that I was obsessing over them. That our lives were our own and they were merely observers who didn't have the power over us that they believed. It's something I wish I could have believed, given how things ended. But we were close until the age of 10 or so, when the Inquisition came to town. They noticed me, the quieter and more studious of the pair of us, trailing around in my sister's wake and watched as I solved problems with my words and quick thinking. They chose me, and they took me at armed gunpoint to the Capital to begin my training. It was the last time I saw my family. And from that day on I only had my sister's connection to remind me that they were even there.
I remember training. I had a nightmare about it. A small, stark little room to sleep in. A stiff bed with bad pillows. A locked door. A mirror that I knew was a window for them to observe me. The sense that my very name, my life didn't matter. That my past was to be forgotten in the face of the Inquisition's rhetoric. That i was to mold myself into their tin soldier, and fill myself with the ability to manipulate and act as the State's psychological weapon. Eventually I graduated and began training under my mentor. And eventually I felt my connection with my sister sever completely as she died in our little hometown.
My heart broke, and froze. And I vowed from that day on that I would find a way to get some small measure of revenge against the Powers that Be for twisting fate in such a way for me to lose the person I cared about the most. It was a somber homecoming when I eventually returned for my death sentence. And it was an ironic twist of fate that my chance for revenge came in the form of my sister's eldritch soul jar. My chance to save the town, do my duty, and get revenge upon the Powers.
It was honestly terrifying walking back into town. After years of silence from my sister's soul, I heard it once more as I stepped into town. And then when the Kains removed her from the Polyhedron for that old bastard Simon, I felt her die all over again.
With a dead sister, my old neighbors and friends hating me, and Block stubbornly signing our own death sentences with his refusal to speak to me, I did all i could to finish what I started. For Nina. For the Haruspex. for myself. I raged at the gods , failing to notice the state itself lowering it's rifles to take me out once and for all.
My messenger was shot. My chances all blown. I was convinced to run by Artemy, who cared for me and wished to see me start a new life away from the Inquisition who wanted me gone. I ran, and was executed for my crimes.
I have regrets. I have things I wished I did better. I've had a few dreams of the plague, but also some nice memories too. Baking with my sister as kids. Meeting Isador. Smiling for the first time to the adult Artemy. Dying, strangely, as I saw my twin sister again before we drifted all into the next life together.
I actually miss that version of Russia...the steppe was bizarre t and fascinating at the same time. It felt alien. It felt like it didn't want us there. There were strange meat-like plants that grew from the ground. Sentient creatures born from the earth and intermingling with man. The living earth and the strangeness of it all. My sister hated it. I ...was nervous about it, repelled by it, but fascinated all the same. I can't help but wonder what it would have been like if I'd gotten to spend the rest of my childhood there...
There's a lot to think about. and a lot to parse and I'll probably have more to say later.
